QOTD Series: Day 3 Taking Responsibility for Your Feelings
I'm Lacey Jones with Elevate the Individual. And this is day three of our new Question of the Day series, taking responsibility for your feelings. You know, sometimes we call ourselves adults. Just sometimes, but many of us are still functioning as emotional children. Emotional childhood occurs when grown adults react to their emotions. They act out or they avoid emotions they don't want to feel, rather than taking responsibility for them. So, in short, emotional childhood occurs when grown adults blame others for the way they feel. But the truth is, we are responsible for how we feel in every moment. We are in charge of how we think and the emotions created by our thoughts. When we blame others for how we feel and how we act and for the results we get in our lives, we perpetuate this cycle of emotional childhood. As adults, our brains are developed enough so that we can reflect on our own thoughts and we can decide what to think and what to feel in any given moment.
It's one of those beautiful benefits of growing up, but it doesn't mean it's easy. So as a young child, you were probably taught how to remain in emotional childhood through such statements as, you really hurt their feelings. Go say sorry for hurting their feelings. Or oh, did that boy hurt your feelings? He shouldn't have said those words to you. I bet it hurt when he said that. Statements such as these are so ingrained that you probably never questioned them or noticed how disempowering they are.
Chances are this state of victimhood has carried over into adult life as you continue to blame the government or the economy or your boss or other people and your neighbor's dog for the results you have in your life. I'm not blaming my neighbor's dog. That's the one dog I actually like. So, friends, it's time to change the narrative, and it's time to take responsibility for your own emotional health and well being. It's time to take responsibility for your pain as well as your joy. And the only person who needs to make you happy and help you feel more secure is you.
So let's do the work by digging into a couple of questions. Today, I want you to think about a negative feeling that you might be experiencing right now. Now kind of forget what I just taught you. I want you to name the person or the circumstance that you think and you believe is causing that negative feeling. Now describe how your thoughts about that person and the circumstance. Describe how those thoughts are making you feel.
Again, you can push pause because I'm kind of just going to keep going. But if you need to pause and reflect, do it. With this next step, I want you to describe why you think the thoughts have the power to control your feelings in this way. Do you want me to repeat that? Okay. Describe why you think your thoughts have the power to control your feelings in this way. Now, what is the thought you're thinking that is really causing the feeling? And can you see that it's the thought and not the person and not the circumstance causing the feeling? This is the work that we do together. This is coaching because sometimes we're so wrapped up into it that we just can't see our power within the situation.
That's where I come in and we have the conversation, we have the coaching session. And I can help you see that new perspective, and we can ask questions and challenge them and decide if you want to continue down this path or if you want to just become aware and then accept and then do something about it. Right? Totally a choose your own adventure. But you do need that different perspective. I need that different perspective at times.
Okay, so here's my last question for you. How will you take responsibility for the feelings that you experience as you move forward? Ponder on it. You can come to the Confident Mom Circle to discuss all your thoughts about it. Hear others take on the questions, the comments, the situations, the learning, all we're doing. Or you can go to the website and schedule a free discovery call and we can set up some coaching sessions that way. But please reach out if you need help. Totally here. You're totally normal, and I'm just so glad you're doing the work. We'll see you next time.
