Ep. 28 When You Make a Mistake

I'm Lacey Jones, and this is Elevate the Individual. Episode 28 When You Make a Mistake. Welcome back. This is week four in the goal work that we have been working on on the pod asked for the month of January. We've taken our preassessment. We've thought about our current status and our starting point and where we want to go. We've put some protocol into place. We've been able to measure our changes that we're making. And this week, I want to talk about what happens when we make a mistake.

When we decide to go off course or off protocol, what are we going to make that mean and how are we going to move forward instead of staying stuck? I know a lot of times we'll set up a goal and we're like, okay, I'm going to do this and this and this, and then life happens and we don't do it, or something comes along and we make a different choice, and it really can put a pause in our plans and our actions. And so I want to offer some tools this week as to what you can do if you, quote, unquote, make a mistake.

So let's go back to my personal protocol that I outlined last week, and this time we'll use it to kind of illustrate the importance of thought work when working towards a goal. And I want to focus on the power of that thought work, because willpower is only going to get you so far as you attempt to change your habits and your patterns of behavior.

And a change in thought pattern will actually create deeper and longer lasting change. So if you remember from last week, I kind of outlined my food protocol, and there are four basics to that protocol. And what I like about it is that it's very clear, very easy to measure, and this makes it easier for me to know when I'm following it and when I go off course, or as I said earlier, when I make a mistake. Right. And please keep in mind that this particular protocol is something that works for me. It might not work for you.

It might be something you want to test out, but either way, you're the only person who can determine that. And I'm simply using it as kind of a tool and a guide as we discuss goal work so I can illustrate my thoughts and my tools.

So this is my food protocol. Number one, no flour and no sugar. This means that if a food has a label, I look at the ingredients list, and if any type of flour or sugar or artificial sweetener shows up within the first three ingredients on that label, it doesn't fit within my protocol. And then I eat breakfast, I eat lunch and dinner and no snacking in between these meals. That's just not on the protocol. And I eat certain amounts of each food and certain food groups for each meal. So I have a list of what food groups to consume for breakfast, for lunch, and for dinner and how much of each food group. So that's kind of my very, I feel like, detailed protocol for my food. Now, for some of you who are listening, this might seem really rigid and for others it might seem normal or similar to what you're currently do.

And it might not be that big of a deal. But that is why thought work is so important when developing goals, because the person who believes that this is very rigid is going to lean towards more negative feelings and their inability to follow the protocol than the person who believes, well, this is somewhat normal or it's not a big deal. So it's important to note that neither person is correct or incorrect. They're simply having a thought about the protocol that creates a feeling for them concerning it, which will lead to them either choosing to follow the protocol or disregard it as a good fit for them. So our thoughts and our beliefs about our protocols will determine how successful, quote, unquote, we are at following them. Now, when I was first presented with this protocol as a possible way of consuming food, I believed it was a little intense.

But I was also willing to accept the challenge of following something that was so scripted and laid out in the beginning. I was willing to learn how to follow that protocol. And the more I adhered to the protocol, the more I committed to it and I saw how my body responded to the protocol.

So over the course of a couple of months, I went from learning how to eliminate sugar and flour for my food choices to someone who simply just does not eat sugar and flour. And it was this complete 180 and I didn't get there overnight. I had to bridge my thought process from my current state to where I wanted to be or my goal. I had to try on new thoughts. And once I accepted them and kind of became them and embodied them, I was then able to move on to a new thought.

Oftentimes when we're trying to change an action or a behavior, our current thought might start with, well, there's no way I could eliminate both flour and sugar from my food choices. And then maybe bridge to something like, I wonder what it would look like to eliminate flour and sugar. Notice this creates this sense of curiosity when we move to I wonder what it's going to look like. And that's going to lead to us exploring and learning and maybe even experimenting with these new choices. Well, after some experimenting, a new thought might be I'm learning how to eliminate flour and sugar from my food choices just for today. And then we can expand on that time frame to maybe I can do this for the next two days or the next week. And then the month. Well, by bridging these thoughts, we pull ourselves up one step at a time on that emotional ladder from complete resistance to curiosity.

And then with each new step, we start to gain confidence and hope as we become more and more empowered to work towards our goal until we eventually become someone who just does not consume flour and sugar, we are committed to that goal, and we've become the goal. Now, each person is going to bridge their thoughts in a way that works for them and in a time frame that works for them. Some might take months to make the change, while others might take days. There is no correct length of time to bridge to new thoughts and emotions.

Lasting work will be done at the speed that feels right for the individual seeking change. One of the most powerful analogies that was offered to me while I was changing my food choices was comparing my thoughts about flour and sugar to my thoughts about alcohol. Now, I have chosen not to drink alcohol. It was a choice I made when I was younger, and it's something that I just don't even have to consider or be tempted by because it's at my core, I am simply someone who does not drink alcohol.

Now, as I started to change my thoughts about flour and sugar, it wasn't easy to say that I was simply someone who doesn't eat flour or sugar, and I was tempted to eat them on a daily basis. And I did have to process urges and temptations to eat outside of my protocol. And let's be real, I still do. I would not say that I am someone who does not eat flour and sugar. I'm probably like 95% there at this time because guess what? I love homemade cookies.

They are my comfort food. If you put a plate of my mom's warm homemade oatmeal raisin or butterscotch chip cookies in front of me, I am going to have to do a lot of thought work depending on the day and urge processing in order to not eat them. I can taste them as I'm talking about them, right? Like, I can smell them, the texture, the taste, that is comfort food to me. So this is a real challenge for me. And at times, I'm able to just say, no, thank you. I am someone who no longer eats those items, and at times, I'm someone who closes my eyes and mentally eats those dang cookies and remembers the fun memories of coming home from school after my mom had made, like, a quadruple batch of cookies.

She stirred it by hand in her big silver bowl because she didn't want to burn out yet another electric mixer and she had millions of kids to feed, right? I can mentally taste the cookie and I can feel its texture. The mind is just so beautiful in its ability to recall that there are times when I say, heck with the protocol. I'm going to eat the dang cookie and experience not only the physical symptoms of having flour and sugar, but also the mental thoughts of eating off protocol.

So it's right here in this moment, where we're going to do the most valuable work as we seek to achieve goals. The thoughts you choose to believe right after you go off plan. And earlier I said make a mistake. And when you choose not to follow your protocol will determine whether or not you continue in working towards your goal. The big question to answer yourself is this what am I making it mean when I go off protocol? I actually want you to write that down and ponder on it.

What do you make it mean when you do something that you've previously decided you wouldn't do? After all the prep work and determining why you want to achieve the goal and laying out your protocol and then ultimately experiencing a very human moment, what thoughts does your brain automatically offer you? And do you believe them? It might not be easy to determine your thoughts, but more than likely, you will feel something. And if you're new to thought work and goal work, there's a good chance Shame is going to rear his ugly head. His whole purpose is to make you feel small. He will try to convince you to hide because you have screwed up, and he will cause you to question your worth. For some, his voice will be loud and convincing. For others, he will be nothing more than this pesky little ant. He will fight to be heard, and he will seek your attention. Your actions will mirror whether or not you believe him.

And when you do, you just might experience a shame tornado as you continue to step off protocol because it no longer matters, or so he wants you to believe. But I want to offer you more, a better way, so that when Shame attempts to pull you off course, you will know how to counter him and course correct it goes back to our bridge thoughts. The best thing you can do is to prepare yourself for times when you will go off course and not follow your protocol. Having thoughts in place for these times will make it easier to move past the moments of shame and frustration. I suggest keeping your view of the future small and in front of you. You might try on a new thought such as, yep, I stepped outside of my protocol.

But that doesn't have to define how I move forward. I am learning how to follow this new protocol, and just for today, I will recommit to following it. Tomorrow's a new day, and I will try again. Now, notice how you felt as you heard that. Did you want to run and hide? Did you feel small? Or did you feel human, normal, and ready to try again? Did it help you to feel empowered.

Having this in place before you step off protocol will drastically help you as you move forward. I want you to have a thought plan in place as you move forward. So I'm going to put it up on the website. You can go download a PDF of this worksheet. It's week four when you go to the homepage of Laceyjonescoaching.com and also put it in the show notes, right? I'll give you all the links.

But with this worksheet, you're going to create your Bridge Thoughts to lead you from where you are currently to where you want to be. And then you're also going to have the opportunity to create your thought plan for when you go off course. And you can download all of that and get right to work. But please, please remember you have to holler at me if you need any help with it. I am more than happy to walk you through it personally. It's new, you're probably going to have questions and it's just fun to do it with another person. So we have that. We've walked through our Bridge thoughts and our thought plan. But before I let you go, I want to offer one more tool. And it's probably a whole different episode, but I want to give you a little snippet of this tool because I think you're going to need it.

And I'll also put a worksheet for this one up on the website with that Bridge Thought download. So this tool is how to process urges. And I kind of mentioned it earlier when I talked about wanting to eat one of my mom's homemade cookies and I mentally ate it. Well, there will be times as you work towards your goal where you're going to be presented with an opportunity to stray from your protocol.

And you're really going to want to do something that doesn't fit in within the guidelines that you've set for yourself. And your thoughts might be all over the place and you might find yourself really wanting to give in or even trying to ignore the temptation to do something you're trying not to do. Now, human nature is to completely ignore the temptation and hope and pray that it goes away. But I've got a little bit of news. Resisting that impulse or urge will only make it grow stronger. And then it's going to start yelling and hollering at you and it's going to get louder and it's going to get harder and harder to ignore until you finally give in in a big way. So what I want you to do instead is to learn to process those urges. This work is similar to kind of processing your emotions. If you're familiar with that. And when you feel the desire to do something that you've chosen not to do or that isn't part of your protocol, I want you to push pause.

I want you to notice what is going on around you outside of you? Was there something that triggered this desire? Are you tired? Did you just walk in the front door after a long day of work? Is your teenager relentlessly trying to get you to say yes to something that you don't want to say yes to? What is triggering your brain and body to seek comfort? Now, how is it trying to seek that comfort or that quick hit of dopamine? Is your body reflexively reaching for your phone so you can just scroll your emotions away or add to cart? Right? Are you reaching for your favorite drink? What tool is your mind seeking to use to mask the emotion and the desire that you don't want to feel? As you seek to process this urge and emotion, remind yourself that you are in detective mode.

You are simply seeking to understand how your body and mind works. Take notice of how your body feels.

Do you feel heavy? Do you feel light? Do you feel trapped? Are you hot? Are you warm? Are you cold? Is your pulse fast or slow? Stop. And if you can sit. As you feel that desire and emotion move through you, allow it to move through you. And as that feeling passes, take mental notes or physical notes of what was happening around you and inside of you. This is how you process urges. And as you learn to process those urges, instead of just giving into them and feeding them, you are going to retrain your brain so that the next time you walk in your front door and the house is a disaster and you just want to yell at those kids to clean it up.

You can pause and tap into who you really want to be in that moment. Now, as you process urges, one of the most helpful things that you can do is to create a visual that represents each time that you process an urge, instead of giving into it, we want you to connect seeing and then with your brain, right? So you can do this by putting like a little marble or a pompom into a jar each time you process that urge.

And I don't want you to take anything out of that jar if you happen to give in to the urge. I want this visual just to represent your progress. And I want you to see if you can get, like, 100 little marbles or the pompoms in that jar and then reflect on what you've learned during that whole process.

And I'll actually create another worksheet. You're going to have a lot this week, but you can print it off and you can track your hundred urges where you kind of fill in the bubble and each time you process one you can color it in and it's going to be on the website again under that fourth week. And I really think this is where we're going to put a pin in it for this week. I've kind of thrown a lot at you with the bridge thoughts, the processing urges, but this is work that you can do as you seek to grow and reach your goals.

But I want you to remember to be kind to yourself. Remember that you're human and learning is part of the plan. So please reach out when you need to and if you need a friend to do this work with you, share share the links, share the worksheets. Share the podcast with a friend or someone that can benefit from it and do the work together. But I will see you next week as we continue to do the work. Next week we're probably going to talk about how to have difficult conversations. It's going to be a fun experience on the podcast as we kick off a new month.