Ep. 39 A Life of Service with Special Guest Gail Schoenberg

I'm Lacey Jones with Elevate the Individual. Episode 39 a Life of Service with my very special guest, Gail Schoenberg. If you've noticed an uptick in interviews on this podcast, I want you to know it's for a reason. Several months ago, I started realizing just how many mentors, good friends, leaders, examples I've had in my life. And I realized I have a platform to share their messages and their voices. And so the direction I'm seeking to go for the time being until I get a next little bout of inspiration, is I want to share those voices. I want to share these people that have made such a huge impact on my life throughout different times and phases of my life, not just when I was younger. Some of them are dear friends that I have made in the recent years. Some are from previous jobs and different again, phases in my life. And so when I think about this podcast and who I want to ask to be on, I do seek guidance and inspiration through prayer and just life and trying to tune in and listen as to who I might want to share with you all. And so it's not an easy task to ask someone to be on a podcast when they've never done it before. Many of my good friends and mentors are humble, quiet people who do share their voices when the time is right. And so asking them to step out of their comfort zone and be on this podcast is sometimes a big ask. And I know that, and I appreciate that. When I ask, they do say yes. So I am so excited to share today's guest with you. Gail Schoenberg has been a special part of my life and my family's life and all of us around within our Moscow community growing up for years. She is a positive, radiant light that touches the lives of so many people through her service. And so you're going to hear from her today, and I'm so excited to share her with you. She and her husband have five children and 15 grandchildren. She is an avid chocolate lover. If you know Gail, you know she loves chocolate. She's a woman of faith, and she's a woman of service. So let's jump into our conversation.

Just kind of tell me who you are.

Tell you who I am? Well, I learned from junior miss or distinguished young women, girls from a church. It was Logos School Girls that we had a question for them. And this I've never forgot the question that we had that Maureen and I did two different years in a row. And two Logos Girls answered the same way who are you? If you had to describe who you were, how would you do so? And they said, I am a daughter of God.

Oh, yeah.

And that I mean, we cried afterwards both times, thinking this is what we want our youth to know. And our grandmas to know. So I start out with a knowledge without question that I am a daughter of God, with loving heavenly parents, and that's the basis of my whole foundation, I think, is that knowledge, and that gives me courage and joy to try to emulate him. And so I grew up in Idaho Falls with my mom and dad, were divorced when I was four, maybe, and my mom married a wonderful man, and they went church shopping. I was easily grade school, and we went to a Methodist church, and that was my first introduction to feeling the spirit. And so I knew there I wanted that spirit in my life. And then we quit. We didn't go back. And I missed that and eventually had friends who were members who invited me to a family home evening, and that's when I knew that's what I wanted.

And family home evening, for those who are familiar or not familiar, family home.

Evening is what family home evening is. We set aside a Monday night, and as a family, of course, then we didn't have phones, but you turn off all the phones, and you might start with a prayer, you might have a song, and then you can do anything. I even took my kids out, and family home evening was weeding the garden or collecting flowers. Just be together as a family and discuss anything that might be going on in your lives as a family. There's any number of things, and then you always end with a treat, and you always end with a prayer. Yeah, and they invited me to that, and I resonated with that. And I joined the church when I was 13, and it has been the greatest joy of my life.

Anyone else join with you or just you?

Just me in my family, yeah. My mom was a member, but she had never gone to church. She got baptized when she was eight and just never went. Her family didn't go, so just me and my family and I went with friends to church. And then when I became a senior, I met my first husband and became inactive for five years until we decided to have a baby. And then I knew what I wanted, and I came right back to church and haven't turned around since. Yeah, it's been incredible. So my life really has circled this gospel that I love so much and the service that comes with our church and the love that I have of kids. I love kids.

Yeah, we were just talking about that, how that's who you serve and in your different capacities of assignments, or callings, as we call them. When I met you, you were serving in the young women, right? You probably were served. What were you doing before young women.

Probably primary, but then young Women's were probably the ten years of my life. Yeah, always young women's.

I would say at least ten years.

Yeah. I probably did more because then I got called as a seminary teacher and did that for four years, which is early morning. Early morning, 07:00. And then I went over to we had a student steak, and our student steak consisted of single college students and young married college students. And I became the steak Relief Study president there for six and a half years. And so that's where my love for young adults came. I love these young adults and the love that they share and the faith that they have just buoyed me, dan and I. I got married again, too. A wonderful man, Dan Schoenberg, and he serves way more than I do, but we served together. He was a bishop, and we just were there for almost 15 years at the student stake.

I was wondering how long that was.

15 years. About 15 years, yeah. Because he was a bishop for six and a half. I was a Relief Society president for six and a half, but then I also was a Relief Society advisor in the singles ward for about four years. So it's so fun.

Yeah. Okay, so you get married, start having babies, realize you want to go back to church. And you were in Idaho Falls, right?

No, I was in Moscow. We'd come back to Moscow and Misty, our first, was born actually nine months after I went back to church.

Oh, imagine that.

Yeah, I know. Imagine that, right? Cute.

So we have Misty and Jeremy and Jeremy.

And then we had Jody and Jeremy and Jody. We did move from Moscow after Misty was six months old. I was still married to Jerry, and he got transferred to Rexburg, Idaho, and we lived in Rexburg for five years. Jeremy and Jody were born in Rexburg, and then we transferred to Boise for about two years, and then he got transferred back to Moscow. And that was about 40 years ago. Yeah.

Okay, so now we're in Moscow hanging out and going back to church and serving the youth. So let's center in on kind of that time frame. That's where I know my Gail is in young women's. And so what was it like to serve in young women's?

Oh, these young women had so many aspirations and so many dreams and to just be a part of their excitement and their faith in what they knew they wanted to do. And we were just I don't know what you call us, catalysts on the outside, watching all of this. So when you really got to know the young women, you went to camp with them and you spent a week.

And then you really get to know.

The young women, really get to know the insides of some of these young women, lacey Zurker being one of them. Yeah, you really get to know them on a more personal basis. And temple trips, our temple trips were in Seattle, and so a six and a half hour drive on a bus, do your baptisms, and then have a little fun and drive home. And those were memories that I will never forget. My kids too. Temples were far and few between then, and it was an amazing time to get to know the youth and spend time becoming young again and living with them. It was just an amazing and helping them form their dreams. Oh, yeah.

And when we talk about temple trips, I had forgotten about that, but we drove five and a half, 6 hours from Moscow to Seattle on a bus. We woke up wasting early in the morning. Mom usually made donuts.

Right.

She always had donuts. Right.

And so when we moved here and all of a sudden we're 45 minutes from the Seattle temple. And so temple trips are more frequent, but it's also like, oh yeah, you want to go on Wednesday? Okay, let's go Wednesday. And so some friends stuff, we go up or whatever, which I love that it's so accessible and more frequent. However, I'm like, wait, you're missing out.

I know, right.

Some of the best parts of a temple trip is when you get to ride on that stinky bus and get to be with people for too long. Right. And sometimes we'd stop at Enzyme Ranch near Clellum and spend the night there at the ranch and I don't know, those are fond memories and creating that foundational group. There is a bond with the Moscow whites. I think that even though we don't always keep tabs on each other or talk often, there's still this like, oh, you're from Moscow, you're part of my core, my core memories and my core foundation and testimony. There's a lot wrapped up in that kind of thing. And as I was thinking about that and that all of this is happening when you're probably my age, like I'm 41. So how old were you during when we were your young women and you were serving in young women? About how old were you?

I would say 30 to 40 in that 35, probably. I can only go from when I'm thinking about when I divorced Jerry and my kids. Misty was a freshman in high school. Okay. And Jeremy was 8th grader, jody was a 6th grader, and I was young women's president at that time.

Okay. So we've got life happening. Yeah. And I see you as I'm in the young woman's shoes, and I see you as my leader and life is happening. It's not like life is sunshine and rainbows. It's happening. All those different age bands you mentioned getting divorced, all of it's happening. And it's not like, well, I'm going to put service on hold because I'm trying to raise some teenagers here and we're trying to figure all this life out and the new adjustments and you don't just put service on the back burner and say, I'll pick that up when my life is figured out again.

You can't service for me brought joy. It made me feel like maybe I wasn't a failure because these young women loved me, and I felt that, and I loved them, and I needed them in my life, and I needed them in my kids life. And so to serve brought peace and joy to me. It didn't bring oh, great, another thing I have to do. It was the thing that I had to do and wanted so much to do to find peace. It was my joy. It's always been my joy.

Yeah. I would say that to you in a nutshell right there.

I used to watch my mom who remember she just had a sad life, a hard, sad life, and I watched her serve. Nothing brought her more joy than making a meal for someone and taking it or picking flowers for our sweet little neighbor and taking it or just inviting them to visit. I saw joy in service, and that's where I learned that, I think. Yeah, it's from my mom.

I've been thinking a lot about our conversation and how to have this conversation, what points to bring up, and are you familiar with The Chosen? Do you watch The Chosen?

Yeah. Okay.

So the other night, I'm laying on the couch, and I got smacked in the head with a migraine, right? Like, one that I hadn't experienced for a long time. And so it was Easter, and I think it was something I ate, right, because it was Easter. So I'm laying there and we put the chosen on. I'm just listening, and I was thinking about our conversation and the episode that we were watching. I want to say it was season three, episode two, where he starts to call the apostles two by two, go and serve. And there's a moment where if I get this wrong, I apologize. Someone's going to have to watch the episode. But little James, who comes to him, he's the one, he can't walk. Like he has some physical limitations. And he comes to the Savior in a private moment, and he says, why aren't you healing me, basically, why aren't you healing? You've healed the blind. You've raised him from the dead. Why are you not helping me with this trial? And I just was laying there, and I heard him say it's, because your experience will live on and be a testimony for generations. And so I thought of you. I'm, like laying there. I'm trying to seek inspiration for this conversation, and I'm like that's. Gail, your experience lives on for generations, so you're experiencing all of this life and raising kids and family and dynamics and changing, and yet your service lives on for generations, and your service is my understanding is what gave you peace and joy through all of that.

Yes.

And so it has helped you. But going through those trials, your example, your testimony has you poured that into me. I'm not the only person you poured it into. I'm just one person. When we talk about all your different influences and spaces where you've served others, and so you've used that to then go on and strengthen generations.

Wow.

There's a little insight for you.

Yeah, well, it goes both ways. You can be a leader standing with a hundred youth, and you have 100 leaders looking right back at you. So it goes both ways. The things you learn together very much.

So now I have an experience I thought of that was kind of comical, and it's really personal, and I was like, Do I share it? Yeah, I share it. Okay. So I'm like, teenage girl, right? And I remember being at church in a combined young men, young women's group. Lots of leaders there, right? And at one point, we had to stand up and do something. And I remember you just kind of grabbing me. I had started my period, and obviously it was obvious on my dress, right? Wasn't prepared for that. And you just grabbed me, and we went to the bathroom, and you cared for me and helped me, but just that service of just getting in there and caring for this little girl who was going to be mortified by this experience. And so you talk about examples that go on for generations. It'silly right. But I was thinking about this, and I was like, okay. She pulled me out of that room. She wanted to make sure I was comfortable that I was not mortified. And I have taken that experience and talked about it with my own voice. And I've told my boys, if you ever have this experience where a girl has an issue and you see it, right, you do not laugh. You do not mock. You are the child who the friend who offers the sweatshirt. Right? You offer that help and that support. You be the one who makes it an easier experience than being purely mortified by it. And so one of my middle schoolers came home one day, and he was like, mom, these boys this girl, she dropped a tampon on the ground, mom. And these boys saw it, and they were just making fun of it, and they were being weird, and they were like, tampon all this stuff. And I was like, what you do? He's like, I didn't make fun of it. You just help you pick it up. You hand it to her. I was like, oh, my gosh, thank you so much. One message got through to one. I know that's like, this silly example. And I was like, oh, is that too weird to share? But no, that is your service through generations. And so does he realize that that was kind of full circle of Grandma Gail? Because that's what they call you, is Grandma Gail serving me in a time that was awkward, but there's little things like that, and that's physical and emotional.

But you have a spiritual aspect to.

You as well and in sharing your testimony. And so you have a testimony of service. You mentioned it comes from your mom. What do you want your generations to know about serving?

I think in our world today, we find, of course, you know, there's so much chaos, there's so much to worry about. There's so much that you have to worry about your own children, if they're teenagers, what they're into and what they're doing. But I think our generation as a grandma, as a mother, the greatest example you can show all of those youth in your wards, all of those friends that come into your home, into your children's home, is above all, kindness and love and to serve them. And I think by loving them is the greatest service you can do, because they feel it. So many youth today don't feel loved. They've developed such anxiety. They feel always a third will. They're not enough. And that's the quote, enough. Am I enough? And they are. And we need to always build them up, first of all, by just knowing their name. Oh, yeah. Do you know what that does? When someone calls you by name, they know you. And it is huge. It's huge.

It is. And I've been doing a little bit of work in the schools and so my kids school, I work in the elementary. It's pretty big. And I've served subbed, I guess, in most grade levels now and in PE and some special classrooms. And that's the first thing we do. My name. Raise your hand if you know my name. Oh, you're Mrs. Jones, right? And sometimes Mrs. Johnson, but we work out that my name is Mrs. Jones. Okay, now tell me your name. And most recently, I finally dawned on me, like, have them write it out. Don't just tell me your name. Have them write it out. And so now we make name cards and they put it on their desk. And I said, Listen, I'm going to try my hardest because I want to pronounce your name exactly how it's supposed to be pronounced. I don't want to slaughter this name, right? So some of them phonetically spell it out for me so that I can say it. And then I have one little kid who I was having a hard time remember his remembering his name, and I was like, Listen, I think I got it. But every time you see me in the hallways, you are going to ask me what your name is. And so now I've got his name down pat like that. And so they beam when you say their name and when you pronounce it correctly, oh, holy cow, they totally beam. And I'm like, I want to know your name because we talk about Identifiers. That's a major identification.

It is.

Of a child.

And for an adult to pass you in the hallway or on the street and holler, Hi, Lacey. Hi, Gail. It just makes your heart smile. It's just important. Yeah, it shows love.

It does. Okay, you've gone on to serve outside of young women's, and we talk a little bit about the teenagers and the anxieties and all that life is throwing at them. Now, your next set of people, individuals that you served, where did you go from young women's after that?

Like I said, I went into Relief Society. Relief Society present to a young married. Yeah. So these are 20, 21, 22 year olds with tiny babies. The women the women coming up, following their husbands, mostly up to the University of Idaho to school and trying to raise families while their husbands are in school. They have none of them. It was so beautiful. None of them had money. There was no competition that we see when people do have money. They were all in the same boat. And it was just so fun, so fun to work with these young people trying to raise families in peace because.

It'S another pivotal moment in their life. Right? You've got pivotal moments of the teenage years, but now they've gone on. They've gotten married, they're having babies and trying to put I was there at that time, right when Seth started going to school at the University of Idaho and getting his bachelor's. We had Weston, our oldest, a week before he started his freshman year. And so those are two big life moments to have happen at the same time, is starting this family, trying to figure out babies, and, oh, by the way, let's throw in college. And so to have you as just a motherly figure away from home, helping walk these young families through that well.

And that was the other thing. They're away from their moms. Most of them have come a long way away from moms, and they're homesick. Their husbands are at school all day and most of the night. I remember a women's conference we had, and I'll never forget the talk because I felt like I needed them to know at the beginning of school that this was going to be a year of many things. Many of you will have your first baby here. Many of you might lose your first baby here. Many of you may never become pregnant. Many of you will get married. Many of you won't. And many of these dreams that you have are going to happen or not happen this year. So we need to be united and cohesive and help each other out because we're all we have. We're all we have here, ladies.

Yeah.

And it was just it was really amazing, just the strength that they had. And that happened to all of them. Those who wanted babies, those who didn't, those who couldn't, those who wanted more than anything to get married, and it wasn't happening. And just so many incredible feelings and things happening to go along with that.

What are your favorite ways to serve.

I don't wait for an announcement to come out on Facebook or our church Facebook page that says, oh, Jill needs jill is having a baby. Could you sign up to bring a meal? Or she'sick or who can babysit? I just get these things in my head that say, I think Marcy's sad today. I think I'll just take her some flowers just for no reason.

We call those promptings.

Those are promptings.

Those are promptings from the spirit that.

I don't follow all the time and have learned repeatedly that you do need to because sometimes it's not convenient. Sometimes I don't want to. Sometimes I don't want to go clean somebody's house. I don't want to go pack up and help them move. I just don't want to. But when I do, and I always do, if I'm there, it is so fun. You leave there thinking, look what you would have missed had you sat home and said that somebody else can do it this week. I've done it enough. What you have gained and what you have, the friendship that you've had just cleaning someone's fridge, it's irreplaceable. You can't make that up. So I try to listen to what I feel as a prompt and try to follow it, even if it's today. I'm going to send out six cards just because I want to, just because maybe somebody needs because I think I would like a card. I love it if somebody sent me a card.

Yes.

So I'm going to do that today. I'm not busy. I say I don't have a life, but I do have a life. I know, but I think, what do I do all day? Because I'm tired at night.

You serve people all day?

I do one form or another. That's what you do in some form or another.

Yeah.

When the day's over, I think, oh, today was so fun. I went and visited Lorraine in the hospital, and it was hard. It's hard to see somebody's life go before your eyes, but, oh, what you learned from these experiences, it's everything to me and it's not service to me. I don't look at it and think, oh, who am I going to serve today? I just think, oh, I think I'll just go say hi to Sandy Wilkie and I'll give her a dozen daffodils. Yeah, Sandy. You remember Sandy?

Wilkie.

Yeah, I love Sandy. And impromptu just I think I'll just take her some daffodils today. And the look on her face and I think, oh, that's why I did this.

She was lonely.

She just needed something. And don't think I'm this incredible person patting myself on the back because there are many times I think, I don't want to, I don't want to go today.

I don't want to do it human.

And sometimes I don't, but when I do, it's a testimony that, yeah, you're going to do that again the next time you have any prompting which usually is every day. There's somebody who needs something every day.

Yeah. So with that a thought as you were speaking, have there been times when people have listened to promptings and served you? Because you can't always be on your A game. Right. There are times when we also need to be served. I know it's kind of an out of the dark question, but is there anything that stands out when you felt like someone listened to a prompting and served you?

So I learned something last year. I got breast cancer. Oh yeah. I did. And I thought it was very tiny, very small. We caught it so soon. But I did have to have surgery and I did have to have radiation. And a really good friend, Chris Seacris, asked me at lunch one day, you.

Can'T see the smile, but hi Chris. Chris is another piece of my foundation.

She is. We go to lunch a lot and she said, so what have you learned? I want to know what you've learned in the last year. And I just started crying because what I learned was how many people loved me. And we don't know that. You don't know that. But so many people called and came over and brought treats and brought flowers and wanted to drive me to radiation and asked how just tell me how you're doing. I just want to see. I was very humbled by the amount of people who showed love for me and served me because I had to stay home a lot. It was the year after COVID and you just didn't know. And many people just came to visit, just to sit and visit because I'm not real good to stay home by myself a lot.

I was going to say you're like a doer, right. And you're a social person, always on the go. And so I could imagine that especially that's a big event, but then you add on COVID and all the crazy COVID whatevers with that.

I'm sure that was not it wasn't fun. But it was humbling to me to have people serve me. And I needed help. I needed a little needed help in the day when Dan was at work. I could have done it fine. I wasn't incapacitated in any way.

But what's the benefit of not doing it on your own?

Because you find out who loves you and you get to share so many things that you wouldn't have before because it's scary. That could be a life threatening thing and that's a scary thing to face when you're not ready for that yet.

Yeah.

Brenda Richards came over and spent two or 3 hours with me. It was just so fun to be with people that you don't get to spend that time with. It was fun.

Well, you're rattling off. Hi, Aunt Brenda.

I know all these people who love you. Yes.

And we talked about this before. This is my foundation. Really? It's something that I seek for my own kids, because when I think about Moscow and the people and the leaders that helped form who we are, like, my parents, right, did a pretty good job, right? Let's give them some credit.

Your parents, amazing.

Let's give them some credit. Right. However, we also have these other people that stepped in in ways and not like, hey, step aside, get Martha, we're going to take it from here, kind of thing. But just this added support. And my brothers and I all felt that and another moment that I thought of. I don't know if you remember this or not, but when my friend passed away in high school, that was a pretty rough day. And if I remember this right, my brain hasn't filled in the details incorrectly. I remember it being a Wednesday, and either it was a Tuesday or Wednesday, because within that, I remember going to Mutual. Mutual is our Wednesday night youth activity and sitting on the couch and just bawling, and it was like all the pain and everything just coming out and you just being there with me, like, all right, we're just going to sit with you.

We sat on the sofa, right? We did.

And so that added buoy, that added guidance and love is amazing. And that's what I think about. Are we in the right place for my own kids? And we're in a much bigger community here than Moscow, and yet we have a church community. We have a community outside of the church. We have these amazing adult sports coaches, right, who just love on our kids. And then within the church community, we have these people who have been able to step in in moments where our kids needed it, where they were kind of done listening to mom and dad. And we can preach and teach all we want, but sometimes it helps to come from someone outside of mom and dad. Absolutely. We have seen that kind of come to fruition with some of our kids. And these conversations that we're now having after going through some kind of muddy and murky times and the things that they're telling us, and they're sharing their testimonies without really knowing they're sharing their testimonies with us, I'm like, oh, my word. You've been listening. Right? And thank you to the seminary teachers. Thank you to the family friends. Thank you to their leaders. Thank you to anyone who poured any sort of love and service into these kids because there were times where we were done.

Yeah. They say it takes a village.

You very much so.

And I totally believe that. I totally believe that. I couldn't have done it on my own at all. Yeah. Takes a village.

Yes. And so I kind of wanted to go into a person of our village that recently passed away, and I wanted to just have you tell me about her, because we talk about this Moscow foundation. And from the time that you and I started talking about this podcast interview until today, in that time, one of your dear friends has passed away. Who's part of that Moscow village. And why don't you just tell us about her in any way that you want to?

She was just in that same age group we're talking about. Carol Mossman was a staple in Moscow, and I was not in her group when I first heard about Carol Mossman. Everybody else was. And I wanted to be I wanted to be Carol's friend. Yeah, she did amazing things. She she was so crafty and just amazing. And I didn't really get to know Carol until one day we were at a baseball game and she had little Danny, who was he was the child of everyone because he just was kind of feral. He just walked around everybody youngest sometimes. He was kind of feral, did his own thing, and everybody loved him. And he came up, we were sitting outside the baseball field on the steps, and Carol came and sat down by me and we just started talking. I was so happy. And Danny came up and asked for money to go to the concession stand. And Carol just looked at me and she said, this is a little embarrassing. But she reached into her pocket and she had a roll of quarters. That's all she had. And she started divvying out. And she told him that this had to go with all four boys for treats. And I said, Danny, just go tell him to put it on Gail's tab. You just go get a hot dog and you go tell him. And Carol and I talked for probably 3 hours sitting on that step. When I first got to know her and her struggles, carol had lots of struggles that she was dealing with and living with. And anyway, we became fast friends. And Carol ended up divorcing her husband and the ward and her brothers. And I'm sure some of the Mossmans got her a home. We bought her a home. Everybody bought her this beautiful home. And it was just right around the corner from the Zurichers.

Yes, just right around the corner from my parents.

We fixed this house up and she raised her three boys. Jenny, her oldest, was gone. She was in college by then, but she had three other boys. And she raised these boys on her own. She had to get a job and she raised these boys and she taught them. Mom's gone all day. You need to figure it out, guys. And you know what's right and you know what's wrong. And at 09:00 every night, we're having scripture study and we're going to have family prayer. And I can't tell you how many kids were in that home at 09:00 who knelt down and who got scriptures and read with them. And it's amazing. John and I talked about it just the other day said, oh, yeah, every night we had. And then mom would go to bed. She'd go in her room, shut the door. The house was full of kids. And she had such trust and faith in these boys and faith in her ability to do something really hard.

Yes.

So she raised these beautiful boys. And when Danny left to go on his mission, she chose to move to Utah where her family was. And that's when her real struggle began. She developed debilitating, anxiety and depression. She has struggled horrendously with this. I mean, there are days she would go to the door and not even be able to walk outside her door. Just crumble. But she had to work. She had to work. And the last three years I think it's been three years through every kind of psychologist psychiatrist. Yes, psychiatrists, psychologists. They tried every cocktail and could not fix her. They started doing shock treatments, and it relieved almost all of that. She became carol again. She had a little bit of memory loss, but it was good because she couldn't remember the really bad things. I remember asking me several times, was it really that bad? And I would say, yeah, Carol, your last few years have been really bad, but I'm so grateful you don't remember really bad times. And the faith this woman had, there were many times she wanted to give up because it was so hard. So hard. She couldn't even all she could do was cry. And these last three years, she has been Granny. She has been able to have parties at her house with these grandkids. I mean, she has been Carol.

Yeah.

So I feel like when she passed away last Saturday, that she finally had peace. I know she'd searched for it her whole life, and especially these last few years, she just wanted peace, and she has it now. I am as sad as I am to not hear her voice or not text her. I know her joy is full now. She deserves it. I used to tell her, Carol, save a place for me because Heavenly Father is preparing you for something so big. And I want you to know me as your friend that I can stand side by side with you when this is all over, because you are being prepared for something huge. And I feel like he has relieved her of all this burden and her physical body that just was so marred. But her spirit was strong.

Yeah.

Strongest woman I've ever, ever met.

Well, I do believe she would say the same about you. Right. Like the experiences that you two have that kind of echo and parallel each other. And yet I think as a youth, we knew to some extent, but not to the full extent. We just see these leaders who are pouring everything they have into us that was also Carol and serving in the state, young women's and loving on these kids and in her home, and yet the broken pieces behind the scenes that not everyone sees. And as you mentioned before, the service does bring joy and love and peace when there is brokenness. And so, I don't know, on Saturday, I was like, oh, man, there's no way I can ask Gail to do this interview. I know that it's a concern, and now her dear friend has passed away, but yet your immediate response, I was like, all right, Lacey, get it together. Gail is a woman of faith and love and trust, and your immediate response was, oh, my word, she's at peace. And this gospel is so amazing. I was like, oh, okay, I know this, too, but I forgot it for a minute. But there is a space for grief because you can't have a love like that and not experience grief.

Doesn't that show how much love is there? I always feel like the more you grieve, the more you love.

Yeah.

And she will be so messed by her little family and by you know, she's been gone from Moscow 17 years, and yet we have a lunch group that we've had going since even before Carol left. We've been doing it every single Thursday, and she is part of the conversation. Who's heard from Carol? How's Carol doing today? And she was so afraid that she would be forgotten. You guys haven't forgotten me, have you? She'd say, Carol, you're unforgivable, not unforgettable.

Unforgettable. Right. And to me, that's the Moscow Foundation.

I think so, too, Lacey. I think we are so blessed to have that connection.

So you take that and you create it, and you have poured all of that love into these generations of young adults and young young kids who are now adults and trying to create that foundation wherever they live. And your example of service and showing that, hey, get in there and serve, because it will be this massive blessing to you and your family, and you can be the one to create that. Don't sit back and wait for other people to create it. Get in there and serve. And with all of that, what's one thing that you would want your grandkids to know and your personal grandkids, but the rest of us listening, we also get to be like, sideline grandkids for you.

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially with, of course, the young kids is, wherever you go, give it your all. Even though, you know, like, Zayn's on a mission now, and Zoe will be going to college and Kyler was in college. I say, you know, it's not permanent. You know that you're only going to be there maybe three years, maybe four years. Don't sit back and say, this is not where I'm going to live. This is not going to be my permanent home. I don't care if I get to know anyone. You give it your all. You give everything you have. Get involved. Find out who your neighbors are, who you serve with, know them, and that experience in your life will never be a waste. You will never say, you know what? I went to school at the University of Idaho, but my real life started when we graduated. Don't make that happen. Make your real life every single day, even in high school. Make every day count. Don't look forward. I used to live my life. I can't wait till the kids get all get in school, then they're in school, and I can't wait till they graduate. Then I'll have time. Well, can't wait till they're married. And now today, I think, oh, if I could just go back, if I could go back and relive, I'd be a better mom. I could do things so much better. Because hindsight is such kind of an awful thing to look back on when you see all your mistakes. But I still say live your life today. Don't live it for tomorrow or the future. You live every day and find someone to love and serve. It will change your life.

Well, thank you.

Thank you so much. Yes, it's brought lots of memories and lots of fun things in my life, and you're a big part of it. And your mom and dad, who I love, and your brothers. Oh, my gosh. Your family was very important to me in many different phases. They were always there.

I thought of my grandparents, too.

Oh, your grandparents. Let me just tell you this story. So Dan and I go to Boise to be sealed in the temple, and we have no family on either side that are in with us. I take that back. I had my one sweet cousin came in. But when you go in there in the ceiling room and you sit down, you have your bride and groom sit together, and there's two chairs, one on either side of the groom and either side of the bride. And that's for moms. And my mom was Chrissy. Chris my friend. And Dan didn't have a mom. And the sealer said, is there anybody in here of all our guests that would like to be Dan's mom? And your grandma stood up so fast, and she walked right up there and sat by him and held his hand, and we all just sobbed. Grandma Zurker was Dan's mom. Never ever to be forgotten by either of them, I'm sure. So big part of our lives.

All right, good.

Thank you, Lacey. Thank you so much.

Thank you again to Gail for joining me in this conversation. And I just wanted to leave you with one thought before we sign off completely. How can you be a Gail to someone else in your life? How can you be that positive light who seeks to love others through service? I'll leave that with you, and we'll see you next week. Bye.