Ep. 45 The Power of Confidence with Miranda Pearce

I'm Lacey Jones with Elevate the Individual. Episode 45 the Power of Confidence with Miranda Pearce. Hi, friends. I am joined today by an extra special guest, mrs. Miranda Pearce, who happens to be a former ling boss and social seller. She is a wife and mother of two beautiful girls living in the Pacific Northwest striking out on a new quest to encourage and uplift others through her new podcast Making Yourself at Home. And I just love that title. So we're going to dig into that a little bit with Miranda. But welcome, Miranda. Thank you for being here.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Couple questions off the start. What in the world is a social seller?

That is an excellent question and I feel like it should be simple, but it's not. Right. It's just the way business is now. There's just so many ways to do it right. Basically, the easiest way I can think of to explain social selling is any business model that uses a social media platform as their main source of advertisement or way to sell. Okay. Influencers could probably be under that umbrella, but a lot of network marketing companies are under that umbrella as well, which is why I know so much about it. And I feel like there could be a lot of negative connotation with influencing and with network marketing just because there's a lot of people in companies who haven't done it right. Right. They weren't honest in how they dealt with things. But I love it personally just because if you do find the right company, if you do find the right product, it's a low startup and minimal, if not none, overhead costs.

Okay.

You don't have to have a business degree or any certain experience to be successful or to get started. And then you're able to meet if you couple that with the social part of it, you're able to meet so many people that you would not have met any other way. Right. Your reach is pretty much limitless with the internet these days. The way I think of it is I used to sell on Facebook Live every week. And so even at my lowest numbers, it's like, okay, if I only have five to 20 people watching what I'm doing, if I had five to 20 people sitting in the room with me, watching me, what I'm doing, and seeing physically what I had to offer, it would still be significant.

Yes.

And so it's something that I think of a lot. The way I explained it a lot to my customers is it's the perfect marriage between having the convenience of online shopping, but coupled with that in person customer service? Like, you have a face to the name, you have someone you could physically go to if you have a concern or a question. You're shopping small so you know where your money is going to. You know it's going towards that bill that they're paying or tuition know, kids sports fees or whatever the case may be, you know, it's going to a good love.

Love. And so you mentioned selling on Facebook and going live at least once a yeah, yes. That takes a lot of confidence. I've done a couple of lives through Facebook or, you know, webinars, that sort of thing, but you've got to have a certain confidence about yourself to present yourself in that way. Now, is that something that was natural for you, or do you feel like you had to learn how to do?

I had to learn. I had to learn because I feel like it took at least a year to have anyone on, you know what I mean? Sure, I had a few courtesy, like my mom or you know what I mean, like just people, my best friends, that kind of thing, that would just hop on and they wouldn't stay on the whole time. But just a little courtesy, like, we're here to support you out. Yeah, right. And it took at least a year, if not two, to really have a following, have people that I didn't know hop on. Okay. There was a lot of times where I was talking to an empty room and it felt really awkward talking to myself. But you have to present it in a way right, to where you're able to, as a person watching a replay, still be able to interact, still feel like you're a part of the action, right. That you're able to connect with that person and ask questions or whatever, still sell even if you're not physically there anymore. So it's a lot of practice.

Well, it's a skill that is a talent to be able to do that, because like you're saying with Alive, you're interacting with people, but if they're not there, you've still got to keep the show going because you're then going to present this as a replay, and you can't just be like, oh my gosh, no one's here. Will someone just buy this? You know what I mean? You've got to keep your confidence how you present yourself. Keep that in check too. So how did you grow and develop into that? Did you have a mentor? Did you take classes? Did you just experience? How did you figure that out?

A little bit of everything, I would say I didn't know anybody. It was really a leap of blind faith in that regard. But I was able to kind of see, okay, who's really good at this, and sit down and watch what they did and go, oh, okay, I'm not going to copy that. Obviously, I'm going to be me. I'm not that person. You have to make it your own. But you could get ideas, definitely, right.

You do have to practice and watch. I love what you said. You found people that you liked or that were doing well and then tried to kind of take in what they were doing, but make it your own. Right? Because I went to a conference once where a woman got up and gave a presentation where her whole job is to help people in the social setting and the social selling and the social teaching, to have their own charisma, to understand what their charisma is. And are they higher energy? Are they low energy? Like, what is true to who they are? Because if we see someone like, oh, my gosh, I love what they're doing, right? I love how they sell, they're doing amazing. I'm just going to be just like them. But if you're trying to mimic someone and it doesn't quite match your personality in real life, that's where we get kind of that creepy. Like, this is awkward. They're just being salesy. It doesn't quite match. And so it really is a talent, what you've done, to watch people and then translate it into what your skill and what your presentation should be and your talents.

Thank you. Well, I would say, too, there was one person that explained it in this way, too, that they're a very introverted person. They're that quiet person, but they're alive, and they're one of the top people in the company, and they're so successful, and it's just like, how do you be both of those things?

Yes.

And she was just like, basically, when I'm live, it's not like you're putting on a front. It's not like you have to be authentic. You have to be genuine to who you are. But you just turn up the dial. It's you times three, right? You're just unapologetically yourself to the fullest extent. And yeah, it could be like it's a conscious decision. It's intentional. It's a lot it takes hard work and practice, and when you get off camera, sometimes it's like, oh, man, it was physically exhausting. But you were you you presented yourself in the best way. You know that you've done it, right?

Yes. Okay. And this makes me think of that quote. I found this little quote online the other day, and I texted it to you because it just kind of reminded me of who you are and what you're doing. And so that quote, and I wish I knew who said it, it didn't have a source, but it just says you glow different when your confidence is fueled by belief in yourself instead of validation from others. And so how does that apply in your situation of the social selling?

I feel like, again, there's just so many people who don't understand what it is, or there's those negative connotations. And so it was difficult because I treated it like a job. I blocked out specific times. It's like I'm live every week. And so there was times where I would say no to things that they were doing or they were invite. I appreciate, I want to be involved, I want to be connected. But there were certain times and things that it's like, I've committed myself to this.

Yes.

And so there was a lack of understanding, and sometimes that's hard not to have that understanding and that support. But I feel like the more that you focus on your intentions and what's within your control and those kinds of things and worry less about what others are doing or thinking about you, the more joy you're capable of receiving.

Yes. Right. But when you're at your more, I guess, natural state of you and understanding and accepting of yourself, you can receive that joy. But I think you emanate that joy and give off that joy absolutely. Ten times. And it's interesting. I'm like, oh, my gosh, we could go on a side tangent here for one piece, because you mentioned blocking out a certain time of day to do your Facebook lives and sometimes other commitments would call at you or the fun things of like, oh, I want to go hang out with my friends, sort of thing. So I call that your protocol, that you have a protocol because you have goals in place. I would imagine that you probably have goals in place if you're working on selling. I was in that arena previously, that you have certain goals you want to hit. Well, that's going to require a certain protocol to follow, even when people are calling at your attention and calling for your attention, especially as a mother. Right. We have that. And so your protocol was no, every day I go live at this time, and so if someone wants to go out to lunch or dinner at that time, I want to honor my protocol because I'm going after this goal. And so that is huge that you bring that up. That's something that I teach and love to really dive into when people are trying to hit specific goals. It's like, well, wait a minute here. How do you know that you're doing this enough or not doing it enough? What is your protocol? What time have you set aside to work on it? So maybe that's a conversation we can have, like next month or something. But I'm like, I could talk all day about goals.

I could talk a lot about that one, too.

So what I love from all of this conversation is that the work that you're doing in social selling can very easily be translated to motherhood, which I think is right at the heart of what you do and what I do and the people that we work with and the messages that we want to share. And so let's kind of take all of that and just kind of transition over to a motherhood conversation. And I think we can start that with your podcast that you just started. So why don't you tell us again the title of your podcast and how you kind of came up with that. Because I love it.

Yeah. So again, it's called making yourself at home. Kind of punny. Awesome. But I love it because it's like, you think about building a life, right? We talk about that. Building the life that you love, building your dreams, that kind of thing. I feel like that starts with making yourself the person you want to be, and then the rest follows suit. But anyways, I kind of came about because I sold with paparazzi accessories. So that's what I sold. I sold jewelry. So I did lives on Tuesday nights where it was like a Tip Tuesday, right? And it was always fashion related. It was always seasonal colors or four ways to style a long necklace or what have you. And I just got to the point over the last year where I felt like I wanted to offer more than that. I wanted to serve the people that I had connected with more. And so it kind of became this tip Tuesday where it's like, okay, it was about goal setting. It was about the behind the scenes of my business, like, what my physical office, so to speak, looks like it became how to stay active at home as a mom, not being able to get to a gym. It was about seasonal activities and things we could go do out with our kiddos, just things like that. And the more that I did it, the more I started to debate, like, is this the best way to present this content? I feel like it became less and less about the jewelry and more about the people that I had connected with.

Okay.

And I wanted to just be in their corner even that much more. Right? Use what I had learned from working from home, from running a business at home, to show women, especially moms, what's possible. And that was one thing that my biggest flex, I guess, with my business. It wasn't the fact how much I sold. It wasn't a team. It was the women that would approach me and go, I went back to school, or I started this business or that business, or started this hobby, or what have you. Lots of different things way outside of my company. Right? All sorts of things. Because they felt it was possible from watching me go live. So that's really what the podcast is about. It's about finding your spark, finding those goals, those dreams, those interests. Because some of us have them. Some of us don't know what they are. A lot of us, as moms, we put them on the back burner.

Yes. Right.

We give so much of ourselves as women and as moms that those things aren't always a top priority. That's just reality. So just helping them to realize that those things still matter, not only that, but they can be achieved within the walls of your own home. You don't have to go far. You don't have to invest crazy amounts of money or wait until the timing is right. You can start now at home and still keep your family a priority as well while doing it?

Yes. Okay. So this podcast, my podcast title, elevate the individual. The whole thought is that if we kind of pour into a mother and support the mother and give her the resources and the encouragement and tools that she needs to operate from a just confident being that she's going to then go to her family in a different way. She'll have a more positive impact on her family and encouraging them to be who they should be and seek their talents. And develop their talents. Right. And build them up. Then from there, the family goes out to the community. And so I love what you're doing with your podcast because that's kind of a very similar vein for you is how can you make yourself while at home with your family and still grow and develop and achieve and get after your goals while still being everything that you want to be for your family?

Right.

With that, I think one of the first key things is to help develop a mother's confidence.

Absolutely.

Which if you think about your Facebook lives, you've got to tackle your confidence even just to click on and like you said, for a year or so of just keeping your protocol and coming on, even when the other people weren't there, even when you weren't receiving that external validation. Right. Just keeping and practicing. So there's got to be this leap of faith to try something. Right. You got to tackle that leap of faith. I've had to do it too. And then we've got to just start developing our confidence with that. What do you think affects confidence for a mother?

Oh, my goodness, that's a great question. I feel like everything I was talking to a friend about this recently where it's just like especially like your first go around, right. If you're a first time mom, your first kid, your confidence is shot like it is put through the wringer and everything you knew about life has been turned upside down. Just expectations of what you expected. There's a lot of outside opinions and things about how you're doing to the point where sometimes it's too much. Right. And then the more children you have, it almost seems like that goes away completely. Right. They think, okay, well, you've got it. There's less and less help, if that makes sense. So I feel like everything kind of affects that confidence. And again, when you're giving so much of yourself and putting those hobbies and those interests and goals and things aside for your child, you're running on empty. Sometimes that burnout is very real.

Yeah. So there's different phases of motherhood and it can be dependent on things within us, with things outside of us. Sometimes family dynamics change or baby comes into the picture or there's money struggles or someone doesn't know what they want to do for employment. Right. Or there's, hey, a pandemic gets thrown at you, right? So how is that part of the plan for our confidence to kind of wax and wane?

I think that if you build your confidence up to a point where, you know, even if there's other external things going on that you at least know are capable and your capabilities as a person and as a mom, as a spouse, that kind of thing, then those things obviously, you still react. There's still going to be hard days, there's still going to be hard seasons, but they don't hit quite as hard, I guess, if that makes sense. And then from an external standpoint, if you have those people, you have those mamas that help build you up, you have the right partner. You have those external people that encourage you and expect that best version of yourself and kind of help get you there, that help buoy you up, that you're safe to vent, you're safe to like. But you know that you're going to leave feeling empowered to get past it. Right? I think that that's a huge thing as a mom.

And you mentioned feeling empowered, right. So we can look and vent to our friends, right, and we can look to them for support, but if we're not given the right support, then it's just like agreeing, and we're all going down this dirty, dusty road together. However, if we're given a little bit of perspective within some of that, then we can leave a little more empowered to be like, okay, this is probably just a phase of my life. Like, you start working on the story a little bit more because the story is really what's going to affect our confidence. And if we start to take all these events in our life of like, oh my gosh, I totally sucked today, and that means I totally suck for the rest of my life and I can't get through this and this is terrible, that sort of thing.

Yeah.

That's going to play on our confidence a little bit. Right. Like, you and I both know we've been in different spotlights, probably. I guess that's how we refer to them on different stages. Yes. And you present yourself. That glow maybe just isn't there. If we're thinking, oh, I suck, this is terrible, but when we can start changing that story, like, let's say we make a Blip or we don't have as much of an audience that we want, or we're not getting the feedback that we want, the story that we choose to think will determine how we leave that experience. Are we going to grow from it? Are we going to learn from it? Well, then we probably need to look at the story we're telling ourselves of, like, okay, this is part of the process of building whatever we're building, or this is part of the process of becoming a mother. We are going to have those days where we feel terrible and we yell at our kids and we're frustrated with our kids. But if it's part of the process to learn and grow from it, I think we can maintain a level of confidence that doesn't dip so low when those times come, if we watch the story that we tell. But with this something that I was thinking of, is there's a difference between confidence and arrogance?

Yes.

So what are your thoughts on that?

It clicked for me the other day. I was thinking about that because I think when we are confident, we will want that for other people. I think that there's this natural desire for others to feel that way as well and to know their worth as well when we do. And if they're against, there's not that. It's just all about you. And the example that comes to my mind with this is when I was doing my business, there was a group of us social sellers that I worked vendor events a lot in person prior to the pandemic. And the first one that I did was Relay for Life. And so that's like a close knit group and they really stick together because they do it year after year.

Okay.

And so there's all these ladies that work different businesses and things and we found ourselves coming back together at Relay every year or vendor events at the mall during the holiday season, that kind of thing. We'd see each other fairly often and it got to the point where it's like their success didn't negate my success and vice versa. We weren't competition. If they were doing well, it was proof that it could be done.

Yes.

We were able to support each other and shop from each other and refer each other, give each other referrals and that kind of thing. We all became stronger. And I think that that really comes down to our individual confidence. To have that desire for one another and be more aware and willing to support others when you can, I think comes from confidence.

Yes. And I love what you said, that confidence is more about lifting others along with yourself. Right. Whereas arrogance, it's all about me. Me, I'm the best, look at my talents. Which I think is false confidence. Really?

Yeah, really.

And you talked about kind of that group of women and sharing each other's success and really I imagine cheering each other on when you hit a goal or have a success. And so within that, you're probably going to notice. And I see this with motherhood too, when you do have a friend or a fellow mother who is feeling less than confident. So what can we do if we understand our value, our worth, our talents, our strengths and our weaknesses, but we see another woman or mother struggling, what can we do to help in that sort of situation?

I would say mainly just don't judge. I would say come in, still connect, still offer help, still be their friend do all those the same things without judgment. I think that that's a huge thing and it's hard to do even if you're the best of us. I mean, even really great people. That's human nature, I think, is to notice flaws. And it's easy to notice them in others, more so than in ourselves. And I think, too, if we're trying to build our confidence, sometimes it can be triggering, right, to see somebody struggling with the things that you're trying to get past. So I think that that's really what you need to do is just that lack of judgment and that empathy. Just trying to be understanding of where they are and then just encouraging. And that looks different for every person. Sometimes that's physical help and sometimes that's just words of affirmation. Sometimes that's supporting. If they're like, I feel like I need to do this, trying to talk them up, talk them into it a little bit. Yeah, I think it just looks different in every situation for every mom.

Well, and it becomes kind of a team effort when we can notice, hey, something's not really happening how they want it to happen over here. How can I better support that individual? I think you and I would refer to that as ministering. That, to me, is a fine example of how can I minister, how can I serve this other woman and mother so that we can help buoy in a time of need? Because I think as we go about our day, there are just so many situations. Like today, I was looking at the situation I was in and saying, well, how would that have gone differently if the person interacted from a place of self confidence rather than self doubt? And sometimes we get these struggles in life because people are questioning their worth, their value, their confidence, and they're making up for it in different ways. And so that compensation sometimes comes into play, and then we got judgment on top of it. But I just think if we look through that lens of, like you said, confidence, like pure, honest self confidence instead of arrogance, we can lift others along with ourselves. So how has kind of go along with that? How has your personal development, not just as a mother, but as Miranda, how has that affected your family and the relationships within your family?

That is a good question. And it's one that I worry about, I guess, in a sense, that's always in the back of your mind, right? Am I being a good influence? Am I doing enough? Because I'm doing it for me. But obviously I would like the good to I want them to feel capable of that as well. And I feel like there's not like a specific instance that I can think of, but there's just little moments where it's like I'm able to involve them in what I'm doing. If Mommy's working out or running my business or whatever the goal is at the time. Right. Noelle has run a five K with me because that was one of my goals. She's gone live with me, just little things like that. And it's hard to say how much of an effect it has had, but I do feel like she dreams really big. And for those of you who don't know my family, she's in kindergarten, so that gives you an idea. Most kids that age do dream really big, but she has taken steps to start learning these skills of things that she's interested in. She wants to be a beautician, so there's a day set aside every week that she does little makeover and she does artwork and things and it's like a daily occurrence. She's doing it on the daily. And so I'm just like, okay, that's what I'm hopeful is those kinds of habits that she sees it and she knows that it's possible. And I know for me, I've seen that with my own mom. My mom worked a network marketing company as well, doing it's called Creative Memories. Doesn't exist anymore. It was scrapbooking.

Yeah.

And so she would do vendor events as well. And then she taught piano, too, out of our home. It's funny because when you're in that social selling place, you go, I never saw myself as being this person. Right. Stereotypical thing to say is like, I never saw myself doing this. But really it made sense because I had this prime example of somebody who saw their talents and was able to use them for the betterment of other people and to help our family financially and all sorts of things. And looking at that now, in hindsight, I'm like, I hope that that's what I am for Noel and for my girls.

You totally are. Because there's a little piece of information that you slipped in there, and I don't know if you recognize it, but you mentioned her and cosmetology and doing makeovers that if I heard this right, that you set aside a day each week to do that.

Yeah.

Do you not set aside or did you not previously set aside time each day to do Facebook Live? Like, you're helping her develop a protocol in order to develop her talents to hit a goal. She's going to look back in a couple of years and be like, oh, my gosh. She's going to be achieving and accomplishing because let's go even to her grandma. This foundation that Grandma set for you and then you're building on it, and now she's going to build on that. So it'll be really interesting to see maybe in ten years what she's done with that and what you've done with it. So I think that without knowing it, you're definitely teaching her, which is what motherhood is. Right. We teach without always knowing it, for good or for worse. Okay, so you've talked a little bit about your family. Let's go to the self family. Let's go community. And you talked about your online community with social selling and offering those tips and wanting to offer more, right. How has all of this helped you to benefit your community?

I don't know. I feel like that it's another one where it's like I feel impostor syndrome a little bit because I feel like I always want to do like I'm not doing enough. Like I want to do more and be out there and volunteer more of my time for different things. But really I think what it comes down to is just being there, right, being open. That community was so grounding. That connection was so grounding, especially during the pandemic when it's like we can't see anybody and yeah, people were buying, but it became less about the sale and more about everyone coming together a few times a week to check in on each other. And again, being that community, that safe place to if you had a bad day, you can talk about it, but you also know that it's going to be okay by the end of the life. And I think that really when you're confident in what you're doing and you go out into a community or you create that community, even right in the social selling aspect, I don't know who said it, I'm sure this is a quote, but there's this saying that if be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs. And that's kind of been an unspoken motto, I think, in lots of different aspects of my life. And I think I love that because again, if you know me, then you know my family, right? I tried to involve them as much as I could and then they knew who I was. It was an open dialogue and lots of different they really got to know me. And it was so interesting because it's like there was people, it's like, I don't know you, but I feel like I do because I talk to you every week. And I got the opportunity, too, to meet a few of those people that I had met online through my business outside of actually meeting them in person. And it was just like, I feel like you're instant best friends, right, just because of that camaraderie, that confidence that you instill in each other.

Yeah. And the bravery, you said so again, what was that quote?

Be brave with your life so others can be brave with theirs.

I love it.

Me too.

Because we have a couple of options of what we're going to do with this one wild and precious life, right, and we can sit and complain and be frustrated or we can intentionally move forward and grow and develop through the times where it's like, oh, I'm not feeling it like a pandemic. Right? A little frustration and uncertainty and we can push and continue to build this intentional life, which does take bravery. It takes faith it takes confidence to do that. But the end product is that you don't just lift yourself, you lift your family. You lift your community and encourage them to be brave. And so cool to see that ripple effect. Because who knows what our family members and community members may achieve because of the example that we've set of learning and growing through the moments where we need to develop our confidence just a little bit more. So I love it and I love the work that you're doing and kind of that stage that you've set or the foundation that you've built for yourself through your social selling and that confidence piece, because then you'll take that onto this next step of your podcast and your work. But any last words or thoughts or message that you want to leave with our listeners today?

I would say my advice, I think, is just when it comes to confidence and actively choosing that confident mindset, it takes practice. Anything that's worth a dang takes practice. And it makes me think of Usain Bolt with he trained four years to run a nine second run, right? To break the record in 9 seconds. It took that long. It takes time. So give yourself some grace and just rely on I feel like prove it to yourself. Make sure that your passion is burning brighter than your fear. And then recall on your past successes. So even if it was before kids too, even if you're just totally unsure of I feel like I'm drowning, you have those seasons where it's just like nothing is going right. You can recall on those past successes. For me, there's a few times where I tried out for drum major in band or I tried out for cheer in college even though I had no cheer experience, just to prove it to myself that I could do it after being a band geek for four years. Even if you don't make it right. I made it for cheer, but I didn't make it for drum major. It's like even the failures, right? Those are things that we can learn of. Just recall on those. I would say anytime that you put yourself out there and that you try, it's a success. Whether the outcome is what you are expecting it to be or not, don't be afraid to look back on those things and help that bolster your confidence now.

Oh, I love it. And so as you move into this next chapter of your life with the podcast, where can our listeners find that podcast?

Right now, the main ones are Spotify and Amazon Music. I think there's a few other ones as well. You can follow me on Instagram. It is making yourself at home, Pod.

Okay.

Is the handle and then all the links and things. I'm also on YouTube as well, so there's a video version of it so you can see my face exactly.

And we'll post pictures. So if people want to see. And we'll post the links in the show notes and then post pictures on Instagram so everyone can see you. But I just wanted to thank you for joining me today. I think that your message goes so well with what we're preaching and teaching over here. So thank you. Thank you for joining us.

Of course. Anytime.