Ep. 6 Ditching the Past

Elevate the Individual - Episode 6 Transcript

This is Lacey Jones. And this is episode six, ditching the Past. Hello. We are going to dive right in this week with the question that was posed in an online group that I'm part of. A parent had questioned the logistics of an event for their kids. It's something that our kids are also a part of, and they wanted to know why a specific event was ending so late in the evening. And my husband and I, we have had similar ponderings concerning the ending time. And because I was kind of vested in the answer, I was really interested in what other parents had to say. And many of the responses lean towards, well, this is how it's always been. And it was like this when I was a child, however many years ago, 20 years ago. And then evidence was given as to why. And again, it was mentioned that we've always done it this way. This is why. This is why we're doing it this way. Well, if you know me, you might be correct in assuming my thoughts about looking to the past and using it as a rule for how we should move forward. And if you don't know me and you haven't been able to put together assumptions or put your finger on my assumptions, we'll take a seat, have a little listen, and let's dig in. So many of us have navigated tricky and challenging experiences in the past. There are most likely some experiences that we are super confident and even proud of how we handled them. And then there are those experiences we label as failures. And we carry around a lot of pain and even some really raw and tender emotions towards those experiences. And when we use these negative experiences to define our future ability and capabilities, it's super easy to become discouraged and doubt our ability to change and grow past them. And we start packing our emotional backpack with thoughts and emotions that keep us stuck and unable to grow and create a new future. And like it or not, the past is over. It has happened. It did happen the way that it did. And with all the crazy and amazing technological advances that have been made in science over the years and centuries, I have yet to meet someone who has successfully changed the events of the past. We can try, we can change the narrative, but no one has actually changed those events. And when you think about the future, do you have plans and dreams and goals and desires? And do you know where you're going? If you do, kudos to you. But if you don't know where you're going, and if you don't see what the future holds for you, ask yourself, are you letting the past dictate who you become? Are you letting the past define who you are today and tomorrow? Or are you ready to take control of who you want to be? One of the easiest ways to determine if you are stuck in the past is to listen for key thoughts and phrases you use when you're questioned about why you do things, do you ever say, well, that's how I've always done it or that doesn't work for me. I've already tried that. How about, I've had that issue all of my life, it's just who I am? And what about, I'm just not good at that? Did any of those thoughts resonate with you as I said them? Chances are, when presented with a new challenge, your brain is going to automatically seek out evidence as to why you can't do this new thing and why it's not a good idea to change the system. Right? Because congratulations, you are human. And this is completely normal. Your brain is doing its job. At the core of it, your brain has one goal, and that is to keep you alive. So if something comes along and wants to disrupt your way of doing things your way that has kept you alive for however long, your brain is going to do whatever it can to prevent that disruption. And it's going to seek evidence as to why changing things up is not a good idea. It's going to seek out all of our past failures and experiences and bring them to mind as a way to keep you from disrupting the system and the current balance and steadiness of the life you are living. What happens if you don't grow? Think about that. What would your life look like today if you didn't grow? If you didn't push yourself out of your comfort zone and make changes and choices that your brain did not want you to make? Some of those deepest sorrows and consequences of mistakes made in your past have happened. They are real and there is no escaping consequences. And with consequences, we sometimes experience heartache and sadness and grief and we must mourn the loss of our future dreams. But it doesn't have to mean that we are done. It doesn't mean that we cannot heal and rebuild an even better and more beautiful future. So I need you to take a minute and grab a piece of paper and a pen. I need you to write down the top five outcomes you want in your life. Okay? Think about it. What are five things that you want out of life? Like, even if I push you to big things that seem unimaginable, do you want to create something? Are you seeking happiness? Fulfillment? Do you want a relationship that you don't have right now? Do you want to repair a relationship? Do you want to get out of a relationship? Do you want to create something? Do you want to dissolve something? What do you want? Okay, do you have them? Or at least one of them? And if you need more time, take the time after you finish this podcast to really think about the five outcomes you want in life. Now chew on this. What did you do yesterday to get you to one or more of the five outcomes? Take stock and inventory of your time and how you used it yesterday, but also take stock and inventory of your thoughts and how you used them. Your thoughts are more powerful than your circumstances. Your circumstances are going to be handed to you on a silver platter or in a dumpster fire. From there, you will have a thought or two or three or four about them. What feelings come up when you choose to think, I have always done it this way. I can't do that new thing, or I have tried that before and failed. How much hope and desire to innovate do you create with those types of thoughts? What if we were to replace those thoughts with, you know what? I want this, and I'm okay with wanting that. Or I do have enough time to make this happen. And if that doesn't land quite right, how about I can refine my schedule and use my time differently so that I can make this happen? Or I can rethink my plan and come up with a new plan that works? I will make this happen and review the result to better understand how to reach my goal. And one of my personal favorites, I can be an example of someone who XYZ. Even though XYZ has happened, I love that idea of being an example of someone who achieves. So if the Pandemic has taught us one thing, it is that we can be, and we need to be innovators. So, for example, how familiar were you with Zoom before the Pandemic? I had attended a few coaching webinars via Zoom before 2020, but it was definitely cumbersome. It was a new concept I had to learn. And I remember signing into my first one, it was for a coaching webinar and it was just OD to me all the little information and dial into this number or this number, and if you're on the West Coast, do this one, east coast, do that one. Weird passwords, right? It was odd, but during the Pandemic, my children attended school via Microsoft teams. It may have been a little clumsy, right? And definitely not ideal, but those teachers were innovators. And the new methods and protocols they had to develop during remote school, they were amazing to watch. I loved watching our fourth grade teacher and watching her come up with different assignments for the kids so that they felt involved, because the end goal was to include a child who didn't have their camera on, who wasn't speaking up, who you had no idea if they were even attending, or if their computer was just on. But that teacher thought outside of the box and created new roles for each child and new ways for children to create a sense of community within this online platform. So seriously, I cannot praise the teachers enough for all that they did to ensure that my children continued to learn when the circumstances were changed. And just today, I saw on Instagram that the Elyse Myers was able to give herself a beautiful curly hair haircut via a Zoom haircut appointment with her stylist Daisy of Curly Hair Days on Instagram. Let me just repeat that in case you didn't hear me correctly or you're distracted by your kid eating the dog food. Elyse Myers, if you don't follow her, you should, gave herself a haircut via a Zoom haircut appointment with her stylist, Daisy of Curly Hair Days. Two years ago, who would have even thought that would be possible? I am still curious at how that was possible. But Daisy figured it out. She didn't let thoughts of failure and her inability stop her. Now, I have no doubt that she had thoughts of failure, know, inability and doubt, but she was able to overcome them. And now her circle of influence is that much larger, and she has added that value to the world, right? That's kind of the outside looking in. But the deep personal, inner growth of Daisy figuring out how to do that, and that accomplishment, that is beautiful. So if Daisy can find a way to conduct a haircut without being in the same room or building or city or state as her client, I believe you can rethink the thoughts of failure that keep you from progressing towards your dreams and your influence and your value. And if you need help or you're stuck on a specific thought process, please reach out. Zoom has become a household name, and it is a fabulous tool for you and I to connect, to work through any thoughts that may be keeping you stuck, because it is time to ditch the past. Thank your brain for keeping you alive, but don't allow it to keep you stuck in the failures and disappointments of the past. Thanks for joining me, friends. I'll see you next weekend.